Only Mad Dogs and Dubai Hurricanes Go Out in the midday sun

Matt Mills put in a Man-of-the-Match performance for the Dubai Exiles

In 1955, playwright, composer, director, actor and singer, Noel Coward, penned and performed a song called ‘Mad Dogs and Englishmen (go out in the midday sun)’. Sir Noel would have been looking on at Pitch 2 at The Sevens Stadium on Saturday in arrant incredulity at the hosts, Dubai Hurricanes‘, decision to play their home UAE Premiership match against the visiting Dubai Exiles in blazing sunshine and a temperature pushing 40 degrees. The decision to kick off in the midday sun wasn’t just a strange one, it was shortsighted and just downright foolish.

Namibian, Carel Thomas, gets the Exiles on the front foot

Teenager, Marcus Kruger, opens the Exiles‘ points account

There would prove to be a number of casualties to the Dubai heat through the course of the afternoon. The first to falter in the searing temperature was the Exiles‘ match streaming equipment. Despite the best efforts of all-round Exiles‘ good egg, Marc Why, to get the game shared through the usual channels, the heat proved too much and attempts to stream the match on the Exiles‘ Facebook page abandoned.

The opening exchanges were a fairly routine affair, but even up to the point where Exiles‘ teenager Marcus Kruger opened the Exiles‘ points account with a well struck penalty, it was clear that the Dubai Hurricanes were going to be in for a long afternoon. 0 – 3 Exiles.

The second casualty of the day was the glue of the tape that held referee, Simon Dodd‘s, earpiece in place. The heat had melted the glue but some quick thinking with some electrical tape, a few well placed loops around the official’s head, and play could restart with Simon Dodd beginning to look like he’d just walked off the set of ‘Last of the Mohicans’.

The Dubai Hurricanes‘ defensive system got some much needed practice

The opening try of the match was scored by the Dubai Hurricanes, an errant skip pass from UAE rugby and Exiles‘ veteran, DuRandt Gerber, bounced its way into the grateful hands of a Hurricanes‘ wing who showed a decent turn of pace to get over the try line in the corner. Unconverted. 5 – 3 to the Hurricanes.

The reply from the Dubai Exiles was swift. Despite the fortuitous score for the Hurricanes, the Exiles had been making all of the metres. The Exiles recovered the kick off and powerful running from Epeli Davetawalu and Justin Walsh carried them into the Hurricanes‘ 22. The rugby was simple, direct and effective. A couple of infringements from the Hurricanes‘ defense and Anthony Kapp quickly tapped to himself and crashed over the line near the uprights. Converted by Marcus Kruger. 5 – 10 to Exiles.

Loosehead prop Pieter Kilian was the next to get over the line for the Dubai Exiles. It was very much a repeat of the earlier Exiles score. Powerful and direct running from second row, Stephen Ferguson, had caused the initial damage and a deft pass from the hands of the big Irishman to Kilian sent the South African prop across the try line. Converted by Marcus Kruger. 5 – 17 to Exiles.

Stephen Ferguson was a hard carrying thorn in the Hurricanes’ side all game

In the brilliant sunlight and energy sapping heat the Dubai Hurricanes‘ Facebook feed was suffering similar heat exhaustion problems as the players and officials on the pitch. With a ‘frozen’ feed, yes ‘frozen’, the irony, online viewers were left to enjoy the exasperated commentator’s application of the rules of the game last implemented when Dusty Hare graced the Twickenham pitch in 1988. It was certainly good entertainment!

Epeli Davetawalu was next to crash over for the Exiles from a line out on the ‘Canes 5m line. The Hurricanes commentator lamenting the lack of line out practice at training sessions for the team in yellow and white. 5 – 22 to the Exiles.

The next significant event of the match didn’t have anything to do with either team’s try line. Exiles‘ teenage wing, Alfie Wilson, was on the receiving end of a horrendous tip tackle from a Hurricanes‘ defender. It wasn’t just lots of South Africans complaining as the Hurricanes‘ Facebook commentator suggested, there was also a number of Englishmen, a Welshman, a couple of Irishmen, some Kenyans and a Tottenham Hotspur supporter. By any stretch it was a bad tackle. The offender was lucky to leave the pitch with the card colour that matched the trim on his jersey – yellow.

Despite the one man advantage, the Hurricanes were next to score, against the overwhelming tide of black shirts and shorts. The Exiles had been caught napping, or perhaps heat exhaustion was beginning to set in. Whatever it was the Hurricanes were over the line and converted the try. 12 – 22 to Exiles.

However, any thoughts of a Hurricanes comeback quickly evaporated when Exiles‘ Hooker, Dave Gairn thumped his way over the try line as the first half neared completion. The score gave the Exiles a try scoring bonus point with the second half left to play. 12 – 27 to the Dubai Exiles. Half Time.

Matt Mills put on an air show

Things didn’t improve for the yellow and whites in the second half. Anthony Kapp opened the second half scoring for the ‘visitors’ in the far corner. The Hurricanes‘ outside half had taken a bit of a shine to the Exiles‘ 8’s head while crossing the try line and the Hurricanes quickly found themselves with 14 players on the pitch once again.

Referee, Simon Dodd, signals an Exiles‘ try

Kenyan, Brad Owako, gos on another charge

At 12 – 32 up the Exiles started to flush the bench to save as many players as they could from the ridiculous heat. Epeli Davetawalu crossed next for the Dubai Exiles. DuRandt Gerber had delivered a perfect 50 / 22 and given the men-in-black excellent position in the Hurricanes‘ 22. Man-oif-the-Match, Matt Mills plucked the ball from the air and when he returned to planet Earth Epeli Davetawalu was quick to peel from the maul and over the try line. Converted by DuRandt Gerber. 12 – 39 to Exiles.

Exiles‘, Antoine Dupont (Carel Thomas), is ready to get things going

Replacement lock, and Exiles‘ stalwart Gareth Bacon hammered the final nail in the Hurricanes‘ season coffin. The Hurricanes had gone into their final league match of the 2021-22 rugby season with a glimmer of hope to qualify for the UAE Premiership play-offs. A victory over the Dubai Exiles would have snuck them ahead of the Jebel Ali Dragons in fourth place, but with Gareth Bacon‘s try and DuRandt Gerber‘s conversion it was 12 – 46 to Exiles and the Hurricanes‘ season was done.

It was fitting that the Dubai Hurricanes had the last words of the game, and their season. With the game won and the Exiles‘ players dreaming of ice baths, cold water and cold showers, the Hurricanes scored a couple of late tries to flatter the scoreboard and disguise a game in which they were thoroughly outplayed. 22 – 46 to the Dubai Exiles.

Matt Mills goes on the rampage – again

James Fairbourne provided assistance from the touchlines

Alfie Wilson chases down the ball

Some of the Dubai Exiles’ Under 16s are pretty happy about the result

DUBAI HURRICANES RFC v DUBAI EXILES

UAE Premiership (26th February 2022)